Christmas Cards
Mrs. C still clings to the dying tradition of sending Christmas cards. I helped her today to put on stamps and addresses for hundreds of cards, and we don’t really have that many friends.“Who are these people?”
“They’re people I know.”
“What about the Hossenfeffers from Utah?”
“That’s Ed’s cousin.”
“What? Your ex-husbands cousin?”
“I still get a card from them.”
See, sending the Christmas card is like friending and unfriending on Facebook. You may not even know a person, but it is just not nice to unfriend them (not send a card) …unless they unfriend you (don’t send a card.) And apparently, there is a two Christmas rule before you unfriend, (don’t send a card.)
“Who are the Dolans?”
“Cousin.”
“The DeFranco’s?”
“Cousin.”
“Melnicks?”
“Son of a cousin.”
“How many cousins do you have? I’ve never met any of these people.”
“A lot!”
“And you are such a close family, every year you say Merry Christmas in a card.”
“I know them.”
“What about the Schwarz’s?”
“Friends of a cousin’s next door neighbor.”
“What? Not a cousin, not a friend of a cousin, but a friend of a cousin’s next door neighbor?”
“Yes.”
“But…but?”
“Actually they used to be neighbors of my cousins friend, they moved. They used to buy girls scout cookies from Casey.”
“Casey is grown up, on her own in the big city, let her send them a card. And I don’t think she’s selling cookies anymore!”
“Just shut up and put on the stamps…and don’t put the stamps on all wonky!”
“What, are you afraid of offending the once next door neighbor of a cousin’s friend with a wonky stamp?”
“Just put them on straight…Jerk.”
Merry Christmas everyone, if you don’t get a card it means you have never met my wife.!
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