It's the most wonderful time of the year!

winjaffe Nisan 30, 2021

Confession: I almost decided not to do a roundup of this year's most ridiculous Sexy ___ halloween costumes for women. I have been doing this for years (first on ye olde LiveJournal and then here at WTS) and I couldn't imagine that there would be anything better than what we've already seen. Sexy Big Bird? Been there. Sexy Carebears? Done that. Sexy Hulk Hogan? Blogged that, Brother!

But then... oh, but then I started looking around just for funsies. And I got a bunch of emails and links from friends who know I live for this stuff. The truth is, I cannot resist! Before we get to the roundup, check out what reader Sabiha sent my way: Fuck No Sexist Halloween Costumes. This is totally amazing and will make you mad for minutes on end! And now, without further ado.... this year's most ridiculous Sexy ____ Halloween Costumes! (Note: vaguely NSFW)

Sexy Octopus!

At first blush, this seems fairly tame, as far as Sexy ___ costumes go. But take a closer look just how high up the netting between the tentacles goes. I hope you scheduled a sexy brazilian wax before Halloween! Also, just THINK of all the clever Octopussy jokes that can be made to your face!

Sexy Bunch of Grapes!

True story: I was a bunch of grapes for Halloween in first grade and I looooooved that costume. Also, true story: I remember that costume very fondly because I was wearing it when my mom told me my Aunt Anne had given birth to her first child and I was SO HAPPY. Happy birthday, Sarah! Here are some Sexy Grapes for you!

Oh, but say you want to go to a party with your friend as a team costume? Why not...

Sexy Bert and Ernie!

What better way to destroy childhood innocence than through crop tops and tiny, tiny overalls? Just think: if these girls makeout it'll be like Bert and Ernie, nighttime bedroom edition! (Memo to Bert and Ernie: you are not fooling ANYONE with your separate twin beds. Puh-lease.)

Not feeling the Sesame Street vibe? Then, why not...

Sexy Mario and Luigi!

Note: the moustache is on a necklace. Koopa troopers not included.

Mario Brothers not your vibe? Looking for something a little more epic?

Sexy Link!

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this...boner.

Okay, maybe video games are a little too specific. How about something more universal?

Sexy Gnome!

Get ready for jokes about your garden! Added bonus: next year you can ditch the hat, add two beer mugs and boom! St. Pauli Girl!

Sexy Clown!

Perfect for when you want to scare the bejezus out of potential sexual partners! Pennywise? More like Pussywise! (See what I did there?)

Want something a bit more psychologically terrifying?

Sexy Alex DeLarge!

Without the eye makeup it's a half step away from Sally Bowles. Even so, I think this costume can get you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence. Or something. Sheesh.

Sexy Rooster!

OH C'MON! Coocoo-ka-CHA!

Moving on...

Sexy Michael Jackson!

TOO SOON!

YES, STILL!

Sexy Waldo!

Are we really sexualizing Where's Waldo now? Is that what it's come to? If Where's Waldo is sexy, it's like anything could be sexy. Jeez, what's next? Sexy Beetlejuice?

Sexy Beetlejuice!

Somewhere in England, Tim Burton is laughing and counting his money. In that same place, I'll bet it's safe to say that HBC has refused to wear this getup at least three times. Stay strong, HBC!

Okay, my dear readers. I need you to prepare yourself for what is about to happen. It's pretty upsetting, honestly, and also unbelievably funny.

Are you ready?

I really don't think you are ready.

Last chance to turn back.

Okay. Brace yourselves....

Sexy Baby!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAHAHAHAHA NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Just for a moment, imagine you are at a Halloween party tonight and THIS walks in. Just think about what your face would do if this walked into a party you were attending. I'm pretty sure I'd look like this: